What if I met my Holy Grail? How would I know that it was her?
When I’ve heard older couples tell the story of how they met, I’m usually told something to the effect of, “I knew the moment I laid eyes on her that she was The One.”
What the hell man? I’ve had that feeling (or something surprisingly similar) two distinct times in my life, and so far that feeling has yet to fulfil itself!
So then, when I’m asked, “Would you give up everything for this girl?” Well, how can I answer that question? If I gave up everything, to be able to have one touch at that Holy Grail (and there’s no telling if its even the true grail), then I would be giving up my entire life and all that I’ve worked for. Once I do that, I wouldn’t be attractive to the person that I want anyway.
But then, if she was the true Grail, giving up everything and being stripped of my defenses would be worth everything to be able to hold her.
So I go back to my original question: how will I know when I meet her?
You’ll know because you won’t have to “give up everything” or “put up with” anything.
At least, that’s my opinion.
With relationships there seems to always be sacrifices or compromises. If she loves you, then she would do the same for you. It’s a give/take relationship and there has to be a balance. If you do meet your holy grail, you may not even know right away. I don’t think most people really mean I knew it when I first saw her. It may be sometime down the line and they do something really selfless to make you happy or something. You just need to meet/date women so you can find out if they could be the one.
You feel so happy you could throw up.
oh hahahalskdjflaskjf j/k
I don’t know if Zach is ‘the one’ honestly, I try not to focus on that aspect of our relationship. If he is, great. If not, oh well.
Not to get all mushy icky gross here, but I feel connected to Zach in a sense that I’m not my whole self without him. Not in a clingy, dependent idiot way mind you. For example: the summer after our freshman year, he went back to Fargo and I home to Adrian. Those 3 months were tough. I didn’t mope about it or act like an emo loser because that obviously wouldn’t do any good, but I couldn’t be completely happy either because that half of me was missing.
Anyway, this is a long comment that probably didn’t help. Awesome!
Hmmm… Well, since you apparently seem to believe in fate a bit more than I do… it’s tough to give advice on this one. I don’t know that there is a “Holy Grail” for everyone — there may just be a lot of great looking cups that all have a little chip out of them…
I don’t buy that “love at first sight” s**t. Maybe that’s the case with some people. I believe in *lust* at first sight, for sure. But I think any relationship truly founded on love at first sight is bound to fade once the initial magic drops off after a couple of months. I think the older couples you’ve talked to have probably been together for so long, that they’ve gotten nostalgic, and have forgotten all of the initial “getting to know you” details of the beginning of their relationship.
The key, I think, is patience. You may not know she’s “the one” right away — you might not even know it after a couple of months. (With Ron, I was pretty convinced he probably WASN’T the one until about three or four months into it… there was something that told me to give it time, though. Now, after seven-and-a-half months, I can’t imagine being with anyone else.) As time goes on, you either grow together, or you grow apart. And if you grow apart, you hopefully realize what you need to do differently the next time, without being overly self-deprecating or negative.
Patience is tough. As with good wine, good cheese, and everything else good in life, it all takes time to mature. 🙂
*steps down off of soapbox*
We are quite a lot different in our approach. When I was dating Courtney, as soon as I realized that she wouldn’t be “the one”, we ended our relationship. But then, I suppose it depends on why you feel the significant other isn’t the one. Court and I simply have conflicting personality traits. Those are the kinds of things that I couldn’t live with in the long term.
I didn’t love Justin right away. To be perfectly honest, he scared the hell out of me when he told me he loved me on our second date. At the same time, I wasn’t looking for any one to spend the rest of my life with. I was looking for someone I could have some fun with for a little while and that was going to be it.
But Justin was far more persistent than I was and patient too. I’m glad that he was and here we are today. We’ve been married for over a year now and I can honestly say I want to spend the rest of my natural life with him and it took me a while to get to this point.
I guess what I’m trying to say, is don’t look for your ‘holy grail’ for a while. Find someone you can have fun with and ride it for a while. If something develops fine, if not, that’s okay too because you can tell yourself that you at least had fun.