Courtney just posted on her lj, which is what’s got me posting on my own lj tonight. Courtney’s post.
We had an awful snowstorm coming home. It was one of those where it’s snow in the air and slush on the ground. We were seriously driving on the highways with like 4 or 5 inches of slush. (I hate slush.) We seriously considered stopping for the night but she said, “I just want to be home, Marc.” *sigh* I can’t deny her. Court’s post says it took 10.5 hours. What it doesn’t say is that for the last three hours i was so frightened and brain-dead that i was swearing and saying over and over how bad the windshield wipers and headlights were. Finally she’d had enough of it and gave me a verbal slap in the face. “MARC. There’s nothing we can do about it now so just stop complaining!”
It was that moment when I realized what I was doing. Whenever I get into any heavy emotion, I push it off on other people… for better or worse. This time I was getting all freaked out. Instead of sucking it up and driving, I was just breaking down. All this was doing was scaring her.
I want to make you feel relatively safe, Courtney, even when we’re not. I love you, and I’m sorry I was being an idiot.
As for today… it was awesome! Court and I were making dirty laundry in the s-10. It made me realize how valuable tilt steering and a bench seat can be. *giggady giggady* I thought it would be really awkward, but it turned out to be really easy and we found a position that she loved.
I am totally in love with you Court. When we have problems or frustrations, I want to work through it and stay together. I’ve been trying to plan things for way to long. I need to just look around me and “go with it.”
