Mom made daughter cry over bangs and I don’t know how to deal with it

Posted to r/Parenting

My 8yo daughter wanted bangs (has wanted bangs for at least a year) and last night daughter decided to try it herself. I was up first this morning and noticed it. There were a few stray hairs and it was a little uneven, but I thought daughter did okay for a self-trim. Besides that, I honestly don’t care because she’s a kid and kids can have goofy hair; no one really cares. I told Daughter that it looked better than I thought it would and that she could ask grandma to trim it up when we see them next time but suggested she not mention it to mom since it would make mom mad.

Sure enough, mom noticed and immediately flipped out saying things like, “OH MY GOD YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!?” Now, instead of daughter feeling proud and enjoying a new style, she’s in tears and feeling ashamed of doing something different to her body.

Mom seems to be most upset that we’ve told daughter no every time it’s been brought up and that daughter has now broken the rules we established. I would feel the same way if we were talking about tablet time or sneaking out. I’ve never liked that we’ve been setting rules about our kids bodily autonomy but I’ve lost this argument every time it’s come up.

I just need advice on why I’m wrong and what I’m not understanding about why this is such a huge freaking deal and why it’s worth pushing the kid down into the mud.