I finally admited to Dave exactly why I hate people. I hate people because I hate myself. But then, its not that I hate myself all of the time. I made the anology of the internet. There are many great things about the internet that I love, but then there are many times I just wish the internet would not exist. There’s a lot of good and a lot of bad. Probably split about 60/40. I’ve gotta take the good with the bad, I suppose, it just frustrates me to the point that I say my ever popular catchphrase, “I just hate people.”
In general, though, I think I’m getting more and more disconnected from my feelings. On reflecting about the crap that happened a few weeks ago, I realized that I wasn’t as appologetic as I should have been. I really enjoy the confidence that this new, developing persona brings to my life, but I’m starting to become concerned that its turning me into a sort of brute. If I dont develop an ’emotional leash’ for this part of me then I highly suspect that it will destroy my friendships. I’ll end up with the same emotional connection to people that James Bond has (just a very superficial emotionless relationship).
Just things that I’m currently pondering.
