I’ve been pretty mopey lately; actually… I’ve been really unhappy for months.<\/p>\n
In the last few weeks though, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching (read as: watching Power Rangers, various RomComs, and Scott Pilgrim) and I’ve had a lot of great conversations with so many of my awesome friends. “You are an amazing man!” “Relax, just do what’s important to you.” “You can’t live for other people.”<\/p>\n
It’s dawned on me that I was sucked back into the groove of mainstream social programming. One friend noted that I have been comparing my life to other people’s (people who are married; having kids; owning homes; all those things I’ve always wanted). More than just comparing my life to other’s, though, I’ve been really stuck on comparing what I have now to what I had a few years ago. I had a career, I was with a wonderfully supportive and loving domestic partner, and I had plenty of money and income to not have to worry about much of anything… well on my way to the top of mainstream happiness. But I have none of those things now and I (genuinely) miss it. I think about my old life every single day and I am just overwhelmed by feelings of such great loss. For certain, I did not fully appreciate what I had when I had it.<\/p>\n
But I recognized that I was not happy in the mainstream path and so I intentionally made a change. I don’t know exactly what sparked it, but at some point over the last year, I had grabbed on to those old memories and I just couldn’t let go.<\/p>\n
The past is the past. It’s time to let it go.<\/p>\n
I still believe that ‘consumer stuff’ is a burden. I don’t want or need it. Everything that I have is perfect as it is. As much as I would be thrilled to have a companion (at the least, for the company), I have everything I need already with me. And I have a really fun set of friends and family to be with.<\/p>\n
Will I still miss my old life? Absolutely. But I like where I’m at now; I enjoy what I’m doing (especially in this new department); and the goals I’m working toward are important to me. I have a lot of work to do, and some of it won’t be easy, but so long as I relax and return to my flexible state then I’ll always end up in the perfect place for me.<\/p>\n