So, I’ve finished reading this very interesting book titled The Ethical Slut (Dossie Easton; Celestial Arts). I’ve been given the impression that it’s one of the definitive books on polyamorous [1] lifestyles (link included to wiktionary.org).
After finishing the book, then giving it a few months to stir, I’ll confidently say that I’ve really enjoyed reading this book. I got so much out of it that I would say it’s even a great read to those who have no interest in ever being non-monogamous.
What I found most intriguing is how many cultural biases we’re programed with when it comes to relationships. Life is really a ‘sandbox’ and the rules that we’ve been given are not absolute. If we found a parter who was willing and able to live happily with us by a set of different rules, then why not make new rules!?
I’ll use the following paragraph as a perfect representation of the entire book:
You may discover that while you enjoy one another’s company and have fabulous sex, your habits regarding housing, money, possessions and so on are wildly incompatible. In such a situation, you could do what generations of people have done – move in together and spend years trying to change one another, getting frustrated and resentful in the process. Or you could reconsider some of the implicit assumptions you have brought to the relationship. Do you have to live together? Why? Why not instead enjoy your friend for the things you like about him, and find someone else with which to share the other things? Sluthood means, among other things, that you don’t have to depend on any one person to fulfill all your desires.
I won’t beat around the bush with this: this paragraph alone changed my entire relationship with Valerie. Because we were so compatible in so many way, I had always before been stuck on how we could take our relationship ‘further’ (to getting married/having children). Valerie really never wanted to get married – she’s a woman who is primarily a solo-flyer – and she definitely never wanted to have children. So why hurt each other with a compromise when we could just change the rules of our relationship? Keep the great things that worked and redefine the rest.
This really ties in perfectly with everything else that’s gone on in the last 6 months since reading a quote from Henry David Thoreau, “I am convinced, both by faith and experience, that to maintain one’s self on this earth is not a hardship but a pastime, if we will live simply and wisely…” I’ve really taken that to the extreme in my head and thought of, not just living simply off the land, but living simply (read also deliberately, without malice, mis-intent, or drama) in our culture. At it’s core, The Ethical Slut (available at Amazon [2] and half.com [3]) is not about polyamory; it’s about living deliberately, harmoniously, and in constant, loving, open communication with one or all of the numerous people we live with on a daily basis.