Lately I’ve been wondering if i’m using my friends.
First, I must know what it means to use someone. Is using a situation where you take without giving anything back? Or does using include situations where you trade? By “trade” I mean something like “You give me a good conversation and someone to confide in while i give you a back rub,” or any other similar situation where both people benefit.
If “trading” is the same as “using” then it would be no wonder that I come off as a jerk. That said, I still find no qualms about participating in this kind of trade, whether its subtle or straightforward. Logically, if i’m not getting something (a feel good emotional, massage, sex, whatever) out of being in any relationship or situation, then why would I invest mental or physical energy in that situation?
Even just the other day when Ashley came over to the apartment. I get a good feeling getting to know her beyond our awkward, superficial friendship and she got a good dinner, movie, and possibly the same good feelings.
Is this using? And if it is, does our trading make this ok? In other situations, I’ve often made it clear to people that I just want [this thing] out of [this situation] (insert any thing and any situation). If the other person understands what is going on and is in the mental capacity to make that decision, then I do not feel bad about this sort of trade. Plus its not like I take without giving. At the very least, I’d cook a dinner or something.
This is a moral minefield and I just don’t know where to step.