…and to keep my wall from getting too cluttered, I’m moving it all over to my LJ.
JB Barnby wrote
at 1:12am
How many Michigan college students does it take to change a light bulb?
At Michigan State it takes two thousand. One to change the bulb, and the other one thousand nine hundred ninety nine to riot and set it on fire.
At Michigan it takes three. One to change it and the other two to talk about how they did it every bit as good as an ivy leaguer.
At Concordia it takes ten, one to change the bulb and the other nine to sit around and watch because it is the big entertainment of the evening.
At Ferris it takes zero. They are all too drunk from the night before to care whether or not the lights are on.
At Eastern it takes four. One to change the bulb, one to steal the new bulb from the store, one as a look out, and one to drive the getaway car.
At Central Michigan it takes nine. One to screw it in and the other eight just screw each other in celebration.
At Wayne State it takes zero. Who wants to be in Detroit after dark anyway?
At Western it takes twelve, two to figure out how to screw it in and ten other drunks to find an ugly enough lamp shade to match their school colors.
At Adrian it takes zero. There is no electricity in Adrian, only cows and corn.
At NORTHERN it takes five. Four to strap on snow shoes and hike 10 miles to the nearest store to get the new bulb and one to screw it in.
At Michigan Tech and Kettering University it takes twenty. One to change the bulb and the other nineteen to find a new way to engineer it so it never has to be changed again.
At Hillsdale, Albion, and Kalamazoo it takes zero. They have Mommy and Daddy pay someone to do it for them.
At Saginaw Valley it takes five, one to bring the weed and four to smoke it while they all imagine they screwed it in.
At Oakland it takes zero, they can’t afford light bulbs just like they cannot afford a football team.
At Macomb it takes zero, they live at home, mom and dad control the lights.
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Luke Gray (MSU) wrote
at 1:35pm October 1st, 2005
1. When you are sad – I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue – I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile – I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared – I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried – I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused – I will use little words.
7. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don ‘t want whatever you have.
8. When you fall – I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass
This is my oath…I pledge it till the end Why, you may ask? Because you are my friend.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two and one of them isn’t speaking to you right now anyway.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.